Past Weekend, part II

OK, so I said there was more.

4) I was personally saddened by the loss of Elesha Debenport last week. Elesha was 5 and the daughter of Tony, who I was in the Corps with back at A&M. Yeah, only one semester, but enough. I hadn't been in touch but came across an article about her condition in the local paper. They had a caringbridge site set up to keep folks informed. She had been cleared late last year but the cancer came back and came back aggresively. Tony had prayed to have Elesha at his home before Jesus took her back to her final home and was blessed with several month of time with her. From what was written, Elesha was amazing. The last few days were painful, and frustrating as they waited. But the final end was peaceful and they were together. Tony has been through seminary and had planned on going to work as a missionary in East Asia before this illness. I took the whole family to the funeral. Emily took it the hardest. She just turned 10 and she's old enough to question why but not old enough to make it all fit, or even understand the emotions going on inside her. The kids all wanted to know, was that person in the casket really dead? Was that her real body? Tony had some great comments about his daughter and didn't have to stress where she was, or the hope that Christians have in such situations. I grieve for his loss all the same. And I hope and pray that I will never know the depths of his own grief.

Trying to connect the dots...

The thing that I kept coming back to is from the beginning. I don't spend enough time in prayer, or cycling, or with my kids, or reading the things that I need to be reading, or even getting out thoughts in this blog. OK, I know, join the club. Pass the cheese to go with my whine. But it seems like something is afoot. I really, genuinely miss the times from my young adulthood where it seemed every step I took was something new and special from God. Like I was still being led to something. Where I am now doesn't seem to be leading to something, it's just stagnant. Maybe this is the crux of the crisis of mid-life. But I don't want a new car or a new wife or to drop my job or anything. I just want to be led somewhere. And maybe the job thing might change, but I feel the need to find the void and gaze out at it. Sorry, that's the image I've heard attributed to Kierkegaard. Life is a featureless plain that stretches out in all directions. After traveling through it, you come upon the void. The plain just stops and there is nothing out in the void, except God. You don't see Him or hear Him, you just know in your gut that He's waiting for you. You have to jump off the plain and into the waiting arms of God. Folks call that Kierkegaard's Leap of Faith. I look back and see that played over and over again in my life. Right now things are too safe. Bills are being paid too frequently. We've got a Suburban out front for crying out loud! Maybe there will be more on this later. That's not entirely up to me, though.

Past weekend

I don't blog enough, I don't pray enough, I don't ride my bike enough, and I don't read my Bible. Anyway, enough of the pity party, that's now an official to do list. Here's what we got to do this weekend.
1) We joined the ranks of folks slowly killing the environment with an SUV. I hate to do it but we had to. Six kids + two parents = more butts than seat belts in either of our mini-vans. So instead of us always taking two vehicles to church or out to eat or to Grandma's, we'll be actually saving the environment by taking a Suburban! Got a nice one from Lynn Smith in Burleson at a nice price. As with any place that sells cars, you might get a nice guy or you might get a guy with previous convictions. From the folks that I saw at Lynn Smith, they seem to be a nice bunch of guys. Fairly honest for the profession. I also had a nice experience at Moritz of Ft. Worth, but they didn't have the Suburban I wanted for my budget. The guy who told me he didn't sing or dance did seem to sing and dance a bit at the end. I could dish dirt on two other places. Stay away from Bankston and Longhorn Dodge in FW. Just stay away.
2) There's another couple at our church that have six kids. The Tocci's. I won't link to their blog because that would presume too much. I introduced myself to them after Mass on Sunday. Really nice folks. They have the 15-passenger van and told me that they are going for 10 kids. My goal was five and we have six, so I really don't have any further goals in mind other than to please God.
3) I finished Jeff Cavin's biography. The beginning wasn't that great. Some of the later stuff was really good, though. The part dealing with his ministry in a Protestant church seemed thin. Thin from a detail standpoint and like he was a bit thin on his theology as a Protestant pastor. I think that may have been from trying to make Protestant theology seem incomplete, but he might just have wanted to gloss over that time to shield his former flock. I was envious of some parts though. Hold that thought...